1-800-WHAT-THE-FUCK?

Every year U. S. companies scramble to get a catchy toll-free number, which hopefully you will remember. This handy way of subconscious advertising has it's ill effects though. Just as 1-800-FLOWERS may spring to mind when you need flowers, what about the poor fool who just got 1-800-262-5569. They didn't know their number spelled out ANAL JOY. This was supposed to be a number, nothing more, but as luck would have it (or a cruel AT&T joke) they received more than they paid for:

800# WHO ANSWERED

800 CON JOBS ---- Apple One Employment Agency
800 BUMBLER ---- Steve (a general contractor)
800 I MANSON ---- Nippon Shipping
800 KID PORN ---- J. T. Trucks
800 DIM WITS ---- Aurora Pictures Video Production
800 THE KLAN ---- Ocean Ranch Hotel
800 LEECHES ---- Missouri AIDS Bureau
800 BONE HED ---- Anonymous HIV Testing Services
800 WANKERS ---- Carlson Travel
800 I AM PUNK ---- Supper Time (dog food company)
800 PUS FACE ---- Gibraltar Plastics
800 SINNERS ---- Trans America Employee Stock Plan
800 GO 2 HELL ---- Captain Bill Moran's answering machine
800 GO MAFIA ---- ? (pin # to access operator)
800 ANAL JOY ---- Corralloy Pipe & Fitting Co.
800 BY SATAN ---- Patco Transport
800 I HITLER ---- Yardly Instrument Proccessing
800 YO BITCH ---- a switchboard (TV product ordering)
800 COW FART ---- Todd East Law Office
800 KISS ASS ---- 1st Credit union of Gainesville
800 WE STINK ---- Bockman Laboratories
800 DIE PIGS ---- Vacations By the Sea
800 MUTANTS ---- Amtron Electronics
800 MAGGOTS ---- Delta Airlines Flight Standards
800 HEY SCUM ---- Joe Ryder Propane
800 NO BALLS ---- Cooperative Communications
800 COMMIES ---- Bonnie's Cookie Banquets
800 RACE WAR ---- Bexar Florist
800-SWINDLE ---- East Coast Tool Co.
800 4 SODOMY ---- Baptist Children's Home
800 HOSE BAG ---- Principle Business (product manufacturers)
800 2 SCREW U ---- American Financial Corp.
800 WE'RE BAD ---- Soundings of the Planet (record label)
800 CRAK HED ---- Lyse Industries (missionaries)
800 WE PIMP U ---- Dana Bosworth Investment Brokers

 

From Issue 4. Note: Soon after this article was written, many actually called those listed and told the recipients that their number spelled out [so and so]. Soon after some numbers were changed, others are still legit.